Call Myself Back to Myself: Wholeness & Holiness

Jul 27th, 2018 | By | Category: Articles, Uncategorized

In this time of retrograding planets and full moon energy and a total lunar eclipse, I’ve been feeling pulled and called forward and toward.

Something.

Like a moth to a flame, I find myself stepping toward the crack in the earth and the shaking of the soil.

Almost running to the place where all is will open and reveal and release.

But I can’t do this without what’s come before.

In order to release, in order to emerge, I need to collect all of the things that have been scattered in the wake of destruction and death. I need to find all the parts of me that stayed behind, completely willing to wait and wallow in the misery so the rest of me could live.

Could move ahead.

And that has left me with holes in my heart, places and spaces where things are too ragged to fix and fit.

And…I can not turn my back on them.

I have laid on the floor each day for weeks, calling those pieces and those crying parts back to my body. I have whispered to the quiet of the daytime that all of those parts of me are welcome to come back, to return.

All of the parts that were scared.

All of the parts that were angry.

All of the parts that were hurt.

All of the parts that were disappointed.

All of the parts that were lonely.

All of the pieces of me that didn’t feel safe to move ahead.

I call them back to me each day and I hear their whispers grow louder as the moon grows.

I welcome them back, the parts that I abandoned because it was easier to run away. Because it was easier to put on a brave face and look ahead.

I call them back without knowing their names.

I call them back and feel them take up residence in the carved out spaces that have gotten smoother with time. And my missing parts can rest there, live there, and fill the empty places that stopped realizing they were missing anything.

I will call myself back to myself, to the place where I can heal.

Where pain is not the only way to grow and learn and become ‘better.’

Full moon, blood moon, I call to your innate ability to be as big as you can be and to be as hidden as you are, and still be glorious.

In all of your stories. In all of your shifting.

I drink in the light of your unwavering and let it sink into the places where my heart is becoming whole and holy.

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